I'm taking ballet. I have my own ballet shoes. And once a week, I'm learning to twirl across the floor. It's part of my Sabbath strategy.
Several months ago, I was diagnosed with "barreling down the road to burn-out". The good folks at the missionary training institute pointed out the symptoms that I had been ignoring. Why? Because I believed I was a super-hero. I was supposed to save the world. No, I HAD to save the world. And ultimately, no sacrifice within myself was worth turning back.
The fatal flaw in that idea is that if you sacrifice yourself, then you no longer exist. And if you no longer exist, you can't exactly save the world. Much less be a wife, a mother, a daughter, or a friend.
By God's grace, I began to learn the theology of Sabbath. Not Sunday itself. But the IDEA of a Sunday. Closing the door to the outside world and resting. Saying no even when you have the right answer. Even when the person's need is so legitimate and you are overwhelmed with the desire and compassion to do something. And most of all, even when it doesn't feel good to rest. It actually hurts. But you know that if you don't, you will be completely gone and you'll have nothing to give to the very person you long to be with.
Christ did this. He did it a lot. And I can't imagine how hard it must have been.
I'm still in the U.S.A. I don't know when I'll leave. I'm not showing up to social events very often. I'm not volunteering for anything at all. And I'm taking a ballet class even though I've never danced a step in my life. Because I'm on Sabbath. Regardless of how I feel about it.
Showing posts with label Spirituality. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Spirituality. Show all posts
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Saturday, May 30, 2009
standing in the gap
Recent report from a project I've been working on...
Mindanao, Philippines in 2009
When Operation Mobilization’s Philippines mission director first dreamed of Heart Sounds International coming to his home country, he was coordinating HSI's Mongolia project in 2003. Finally, that vision became a reality. This month, HSI's Southeast Asia coordinator, Erica Logan, partnered with multiple organizations to host and lead a songwriting event in Mindanao, the southernmost island of the Philippines. Twenty six people from a range of backgrounds gathered to test the waters of creating new songs for the first time. Among the group were pastors and musicians from three tribes in the southern Philippines.
Anticipation surrounded the event as believers who risk persecution in their home communities gathered together in a safe environment to pray, share, and create something new for the Lord. Over the course of three days, teaching on biblical worship and redeeming culture were shared along with ideas for indigenous songwriting. Because the religious situation in this area is delicate, the participants brainstormed ways to infuse their native melodies and song styles with Christian truths in a way that would be acceptable to their communities. Among the corpus of new songs were songs to encourage “the least of these” such as evacuees and street children, songs to address cultural issues such as revenge and loss of identity, songs to accompany everyday activities like shelling coconuts, and songs to give glory to God in the midst of community wedding celebrations.
Monday, May 25, 2009
Friday, May 15, 2009
Today I worked on devotionals for musicians in Mongolia, I organized schedule and transportation issues for workers in the Philippines and Singapore, I joined my work team over skype to pray for a host of music projects around the world including my project in Thailand later this year, and on top of all of that, I made a new friend today over coffee and I witnessed another day of Ariel's beautiful life. That's at least 5 people groups, a friend, and a family that I got to share the day with or at least work on their behalf. Wow. What a day.A good friend of mine is a composer, among many other things, and a good one. One of his many talents is to also pressure others into doing extraordinary things (Q, I mean that in a good way:) Being composition students at college together earlier in our lives has given him the ammunition to always ask me if I'm still composing....more specifically, am I creating a masterpiece. The last time he asked me this, I was finally able to reply, "Yes, as a matter of fact, I am." But its not a symphony of instruments, melodies, and musical genius. Its an orchestra of lives. Those that I get to intersect with every day. And in my own way, I have the opportunity to brush their day with a new color, if you will. A new motif, if you're a musician. And in the end, I'm hoping its glorious. I'm hoping it IS a masterpiece. One that I can lay down at my King's feet and say, "Here, this is for you."
Monday, April 27, 2009
song of the day
You know how when you're listening to music, and the lyrics of a particular song will jump out at you, touching something deep inside, and in that moment, time stands still...this is that song for me, today.
Come For Me by Charlie Hall
Jesus come take me away, I long to see Your face
This world is broken yet beautifully made,
Jesus come take me away
Jesus I’ll patiently wait, till like a vapor I’ll fade
Help me fulfill all your dreams for these days,
Jesus I’ll patiently wait
You’ll come again with a shout,
like a thief in the night you’ll come riding on clouds
Finally the voice I have followed for life
has a glorious face that is lit up with light
And you’ll come for me, no more pain, peace,
No more fear, release
just lost and consumed with my glorious King
Jesus today I am tired, I need your music to come and inspire
I give myself to be refined in this fire,
but Jesus today I’m so tired
Come for me
You’ll come again with a shout,
like a thief in the night you’ll come riding on clouds
Finally the voice I have followed for life
has a glorious face that is lit up with light
And you’ll come for me,
no more pain, peace,
No more fear, release
just lost and consumed with my glorious King.
Come For Me by Charlie Hall
Jesus come take me away, I long to see Your face
This world is broken yet beautifully made,
Jesus come take me away
Jesus I’ll patiently wait, till like a vapor I’ll fade
Help me fulfill all your dreams for these days,
Jesus I’ll patiently wait
You’ll come again with a shout,
like a thief in the night you’ll come riding on clouds
Finally the voice I have followed for life
has a glorious face that is lit up with light
And you’ll come for me, no more pain, peace,
No more fear, release
just lost and consumed with my glorious King
Jesus today I am tired, I need your music to come and inspire
I give myself to be refined in this fire,
but Jesus today I’m so tired
Come for me
You’ll come again with a shout,
like a thief in the night you’ll come riding on clouds
Finally the voice I have followed for life
has a glorious face that is lit up with light
And you’ll come for me,
no more pain, peace,
No more fear, release
just lost and consumed with my glorious King.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
obedience vs. sacrifice
Something that I've been thinking about lately is obedience vs. sacrifice. Those are not always opposing ideas. Sometimes obedience IS to sacrifice. And, in general, this is how I've usually viewed it.
Living here, in a place where people have substantially less than the average American, I am often struggling with, "am I doing enough...should I have given more...what can I do to make this better...?" And honestly, it gets tiring. Not my willingness to give. But my uncertainty in how to. Because oftentimes, even though people are asking for physical gifts, its not what they really need...and other times, it is. And its hard to know the difference. Every time I step out my door, even to do the most menial of task or errand, I am barraged with circumstances of need. Beggars with their outstretched hands. Friends in need of a favor. Merchants hoping you'll pay more. Or just folks that have no idea that I exist. But I see them. And I see their condition. So, needless to say, the feeling to sacrifice for their sakes, often becomes an intense emotion. And since I can't do it all, I'm often left feeling disgruntled, guilty, and ashamed.
This is where the story diverges from my usual view of obedience is to sacrifice. Because in recent days, I've realized that the feelings of guilt and shame for not doing enough are not God's doing, but my own. I've recognized a root of pride that, even in my attempts to be selfless, is threatening to send its shoots to the surface, showing my motivations as false and selfish. In other words, yes, I grieve that people around me are lacking. And thats a good thing. But I don't like the part of me that seeks to "look good" in my acts of service toward them. Sometimes, I feel guilty because of what others will think. What they'll say, and how they'll judge...the rich American who has so much and gives so little.
In 1 Samuel. Saul is dethroned because of his disobedience. And what was it that he did? He kept the fattest animals to sacrifice to God when God had told him to kill them all. You see what I mean? The sacrifice was FOR God. And yet it was disobedience to do it. Why? Two reasons that I can see...1. simply because God said not to...and that should be enough reason right there. 2. because he wasn't sacrificing in God's name. Ultimately, he was sacrificing in his own name. The sin of Abel. "See, look what I've done for you, God! Aren't I great?!" And that is where my path crosses Saul's.
Thinking through this has brought me some relief. And freedom. Because I am no longer chained by my guilt of not doing enough. But freed by my desire to do whatever God tells me to. And not worry about the rest.
For me, right now, this is how it plays out...God is asking me to take this time to jump in with both feet into the Word, meditate on it, soak it in, and deepen my understanding of Him. He's wanting to heal me, comfort me, and nourish me. This takes time. Literally. And I am fighting it. Because in my mind, I should be sacrificing my time to help with every need that arises (and there are a lot!). Not spending hours alone, away from the world, listening to His voice!
Another way it plays out is motherhood. I recognize that this is the only chance I get to spend the days with Ariel. By the time we relocate back to the U.S., she will be in school. And our schedules will be full and her influences many. Now is the time to cherish the hours of play and the opportunities for teaching. Because it won't always be this easy.
I'm not throwing away God's command to go and make disciples. Instead, I have a sense that the fruit of my time spent with Him will be an awareness and a wisdom to know how to meet the needs of those around me in ways that I could not comprehend before. And the time spent with my daughter will be an investment both in the lives of those who are watching and in the future.
And above all, in my obedience, I will get the chance to know the Wonder of all Wonders in new and deeper ways. And I won't be able to keep myself from telling others what I have seen.
Living here, in a place where people have substantially less than the average American, I am often struggling with, "am I doing enough...should I have given more...what can I do to make this better...?" And honestly, it gets tiring. Not my willingness to give. But my uncertainty in how to. Because oftentimes, even though people are asking for physical gifts, its not what they really need...and other times, it is. And its hard to know the difference. Every time I step out my door, even to do the most menial of task or errand, I am barraged with circumstances of need. Beggars with their outstretched hands. Friends in need of a favor. Merchants hoping you'll pay more. Or just folks that have no idea that I exist. But I see them. And I see their condition. So, needless to say, the feeling to sacrifice for their sakes, often becomes an intense emotion. And since I can't do it all, I'm often left feeling disgruntled, guilty, and ashamed.
This is where the story diverges from my usual view of obedience is to sacrifice. Because in recent days, I've realized that the feelings of guilt and shame for not doing enough are not God's doing, but my own. I've recognized a root of pride that, even in my attempts to be selfless, is threatening to send its shoots to the surface, showing my motivations as false and selfish. In other words, yes, I grieve that people around me are lacking. And thats a good thing. But I don't like the part of me that seeks to "look good" in my acts of service toward them. Sometimes, I feel guilty because of what others will think. What they'll say, and how they'll judge...the rich American who has so much and gives so little.
In 1 Samuel. Saul is dethroned because of his disobedience. And what was it that he did? He kept the fattest animals to sacrifice to God when God had told him to kill them all. You see what I mean? The sacrifice was FOR God. And yet it was disobedience to do it. Why? Two reasons that I can see...1. simply because God said not to...and that should be enough reason right there. 2. because he wasn't sacrificing in God's name. Ultimately, he was sacrificing in his own name. The sin of Abel. "See, look what I've done for you, God! Aren't I great?!" And that is where my path crosses Saul's.
Thinking through this has brought me some relief. And freedom. Because I am no longer chained by my guilt of not doing enough. But freed by my desire to do whatever God tells me to. And not worry about the rest.
For me, right now, this is how it plays out...God is asking me to take this time to jump in with both feet into the Word, meditate on it, soak it in, and deepen my understanding of Him. He's wanting to heal me, comfort me, and nourish me. This takes time. Literally. And I am fighting it. Because in my mind, I should be sacrificing my time to help with every need that arises (and there are a lot!). Not spending hours alone, away from the world, listening to His voice!
Another way it plays out is motherhood. I recognize that this is the only chance I get to spend the days with Ariel. By the time we relocate back to the U.S., she will be in school. And our schedules will be full and her influences many. Now is the time to cherish the hours of play and the opportunities for teaching. Because it won't always be this easy.
I'm not throwing away God's command to go and make disciples. Instead, I have a sense that the fruit of my time spent with Him will be an awareness and a wisdom to know how to meet the needs of those around me in ways that I could not comprehend before. And the time spent with my daughter will be an investment both in the lives of those who are watching and in the future.
And above all, in my obedience, I will get the chance to know the Wonder of all Wonders in new and deeper ways. And I won't be able to keep myself from telling others what I have seen.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
marriage
My sister in law and I are reading together a book by John Piper on marriage. Here's a few quotes that stood out to me this week:
"Staying married is not mainly about staying in love, but about keeping covenant" p74
"It's meant to be a living drama of the covenant-keeping love between Christ and the church." p75
"When sin entered the world, it ruined the harmony of marriage not because it brought headship and submission into existence, but because it twisted man's humble, loving headship toward hostile domination in some men and lazy indifference in others. And it twisted woman's intelligent, willing, happy, creative, articulate submission toward manipulative obsequiousness in some women and brazen insubordination in others. Sin didn't create headship and submission; it ruined them and distorted them and made them ugly and destructive." p79
"Therefore, headship is not a right to control or to abuse or to neglect. (Christ's sacrifice is the pattern.) Rather, its the responsibility to love like Christ in leading and protecting and providing for our wives and families" p80
And as a wife, I have the incredible task of learning, experiencing, and modeling how to respond. How I respond to my husband shows the world how to respond to Christ.
In a lot of ways, marriage is still a mystery to me. And the road has had unexpected turns, twists, and dips. But, seeing the bigger picture...seeing what it could be...what it should model...gives me the motivation to engage. And enjoy the fruit.
By the way, I recommend the book, This Momentary Marriage. While Piper's teachings on God's glory has been a life changing lesson for me, I don't always agree with how he works it out. But, none the less, I love reading his stuff because he challenges me to think. This book is inspiring because it points marriage - the good, bad, and the ugly - back to God, and that makes it worth fighting for.
"Staying married is not mainly about staying in love, but about keeping covenant" p74
"It's meant to be a living drama of the covenant-keeping love between Christ and the church." p75
"When sin entered the world, it ruined the harmony of marriage not because it brought headship and submission into existence, but because it twisted man's humble, loving headship toward hostile domination in some men and lazy indifference in others. And it twisted woman's intelligent, willing, happy, creative, articulate submission toward manipulative obsequiousness in some women and brazen insubordination in others. Sin didn't create headship and submission; it ruined them and distorted them and made them ugly and destructive." p79
"Therefore, headship is not a right to control or to abuse or to neglect. (Christ's sacrifice is the pattern.) Rather, its the responsibility to love like Christ in leading and protecting and providing for our wives and families" p80
And as a wife, I have the incredible task of learning, experiencing, and modeling how to respond. How I respond to my husband shows the world how to respond to Christ.
In a lot of ways, marriage is still a mystery to me. And the road has had unexpected turns, twists, and dips. But, seeing the bigger picture...seeing what it could be...what it should model...gives me the motivation to engage. And enjoy the fruit.By the way, I recommend the book, This Momentary Marriage. While Piper's teachings on God's glory has been a life changing lesson for me, I don't always agree with how he works it out. But, none the less, I love reading his stuff because he challenges me to think. This book is inspiring because it points marriage - the good, bad, and the ugly - back to God, and that makes it worth fighting for.
Monday, March 9, 2009
home
Recently, Geoff and I were watching The Two Towers (Lord of the Rings) and having a great time. Content. Happy. Etc. Then, seemingly out of the blue, Geoff says, "I miss home." And I said, "Yeah, I do too." And in that moment, I was able to connect the dots...the themes of the movie...our own feelings of missing home...and the big picture of why we're here on this planet. And I thought about how its much like missing our REAL home. The one of eternity in the full presence of God.
Geoff and I are happy here. We don't pine away for things we don't have (at least not most days). And yet, we don't feel completely at home. But rather...we're here to do a job. And we are doing it to the best of our ability...and even enjoying it although its hard. But thats not all there is. Its a stop along the way toward something bigger...and better.
Sometimes, I feel this longing really strongly...for life with God when there is no glass separating us from full knowledge of him. And at other times, its a faint thought in the back of my mind. But, its always there. Ever present. Forever glowing with the hope of a future. And it urges me on. To keep doing. Keep believing. Keep trusting. Keep laying myself down in surrender...
...Sometimes it feels like a surgical procedure...but even in my pain...I close my eyes and breathe deep. Knowing that my hope is not in vain. And one day, I will open my eyes and be surrounded by His glory, forever more.
Geoff and I are happy here. We don't pine away for things we don't have (at least not most days). And yet, we don't feel completely at home. But rather...we're here to do a job. And we are doing it to the best of our ability...and even enjoying it although its hard. But thats not all there is. Its a stop along the way toward something bigger...and better.
Sometimes, I feel this longing really strongly...for life with God when there is no glass separating us from full knowledge of him. And at other times, its a faint thought in the back of my mind. But, its always there. Ever present. Forever glowing with the hope of a future. And it urges me on. To keep doing. Keep believing. Keep trusting. Keep laying myself down in surrender...
...Sometimes it feels like a surgical procedure...but even in my pain...I close my eyes and breathe deep. Knowing that my hope is not in vain. And one day, I will open my eyes and be surrounded by His glory, forever more.
Friday, October 31, 2008
Life Is What You Make Of It...Or is it?
I've had so many thoughts rolling around in my head lately, and I've wanted to blog them so often, but I haven't been able to put them all together in a coherent pattern. So, for the sake of posting something, I'm going to go on a bit of a ramble and see how it comes out...
Living here has been hard, emotionally, lately. The emotional roller coaster ride that one naturally rides in life seems to take faster turns and deeper drops when living in an unfamiliar home away from home. In my journey to navigate these emotional waters, I find myself battling to keep my joy. And I can tell I'm in the midst of a spiritual war that often translates into small daily things becoming deeply significant.
The other day, I was thinking of how to respond. Right now, I have a deep longing for home now that the holidays are approaching and the weather is changing in the U.S. Where I am, these meaningful changes that mark the yearly cycle of life experiences do not happen. The sun shines as hot as it did 6 months ago, and nobody cares about the pilgrims, giving thanks, or pumpkin pie. In my head, I thought, well, "Life is what you make of it, right?" I've just got to pull up my bootstraps and make it happen myself. But as a phlegmatic, my motto tends to more often say "Life is what takes the least amount of effort!" instead. The problem with this motto so natural to me is that life gets stale when you're always the victim of circumstance. And, both mottos fail to point to the source of real power we have in life, that is Christ.
So, I have begun to dwell more of my thoughts on Christ, who he was, what kinds of things he did, why it matters. I have to admit that Christ in my faith walk has usually been a "doorway" to God. I pray to "God" and thank him that Christ made it possible. But I find myself with more of an urgency recently to not look thru Christ toward God (although that is a beautiful thing), but rather to look at Christ directly. And camp out there for awhile.
And the cool thing is that while I do that, the joy that I've been battling for starts to spring up on its own. And then I find myself taking charge of my circumstances. But its not out of my own will power to make life better. It's out of a deep indescribable sense of peace that something amazing lies in the existence of Christ and I can't help but enjoy life more. Even though nothing on the "outside" has changed.
So, with all of that said, I've noticed how little things can bring great joy when you are looking for it. And because of Christ, all these little things become much sweeter. I'd like to share with you a few of the little things that have made me smile lately...
1. Doing arts and craft projects with my daughter. I think it is more for me than her but she seems to enjoy me enjoying myself :) Here we are making gingerbread "snakes" and toilet paper roll caterpillars.
2. Enjoying wind chimes. I've loved wind chimes since I was a little girl browsing the seashell shops of the Texas coast. I bought this one recently and have loved the texture and color it has brought into the room. (Yes, it is inside, not outside, because it would rot within a few weeks from the humidity)
3. Decorating a Fall Wreath. Ariel and I don't have a lot to work with when looking for evergreen plants to decorate a wreath for the fall season. But we took a walk, found what we could, and attempted to glue it all onto a piece of cardboard. I thought it turned out pretty well!
4. Christmas lights. For about $20 bucks and a crazy trip to the chinese market, we have been able to turn our courtyard into a little winter wonderland. The temperature might not change, and the mosquitos might still be out, but in OUR house, its the holidays!
5. Enjoying Beautiful art. A friend and colleague pointed me to a site that promotes the artwork of believing artists from Asia. I LOVE taking in the creative ways people from around the world express their love to God. Here were a few of my favorites by Sawai Chinnawong.
The Lost Sheep, The Good Shepherd
The Lost Son
Living here has been hard, emotionally, lately. The emotional roller coaster ride that one naturally rides in life seems to take faster turns and deeper drops when living in an unfamiliar home away from home. In my journey to navigate these emotional waters, I find myself battling to keep my joy. And I can tell I'm in the midst of a spiritual war that often translates into small daily things becoming deeply significant.
The other day, I was thinking of how to respond. Right now, I have a deep longing for home now that the holidays are approaching and the weather is changing in the U.S. Where I am, these meaningful changes that mark the yearly cycle of life experiences do not happen. The sun shines as hot as it did 6 months ago, and nobody cares about the pilgrims, giving thanks, or pumpkin pie. In my head, I thought, well, "Life is what you make of it, right?" I've just got to pull up my bootstraps and make it happen myself. But as a phlegmatic, my motto tends to more often say "Life is what takes the least amount of effort!" instead. The problem with this motto so natural to me is that life gets stale when you're always the victim of circumstance. And, both mottos fail to point to the source of real power we have in life, that is Christ.
So, I have begun to dwell more of my thoughts on Christ, who he was, what kinds of things he did, why it matters. I have to admit that Christ in my faith walk has usually been a "doorway" to God. I pray to "God" and thank him that Christ made it possible. But I find myself with more of an urgency recently to not look thru Christ toward God (although that is a beautiful thing), but rather to look at Christ directly. And camp out there for awhile.
And the cool thing is that while I do that, the joy that I've been battling for starts to spring up on its own. And then I find myself taking charge of my circumstances. But its not out of my own will power to make life better. It's out of a deep indescribable sense of peace that something amazing lies in the existence of Christ and I can't help but enjoy life more. Even though nothing on the "outside" has changed.
So, with all of that said, I've noticed how little things can bring great joy when you are looking for it. And because of Christ, all these little things become much sweeter. I'd like to share with you a few of the little things that have made me smile lately...
1. Doing arts and craft projects with my daughter. I think it is more for me than her but she seems to enjoy me enjoying myself :) Here we are making gingerbread "snakes" and toilet paper roll caterpillars.
2. Enjoying wind chimes. I've loved wind chimes since I was a little girl browsing the seashell shops of the Texas coast. I bought this one recently and have loved the texture and color it has brought into the room. (Yes, it is inside, not outside, because it would rot within a few weeks from the humidity)
3. Decorating a Fall Wreath. Ariel and I don't have a lot to work with when looking for evergreen plants to decorate a wreath for the fall season. But we took a walk, found what we could, and attempted to glue it all onto a piece of cardboard. I thought it turned out pretty well!
4. Christmas lights. For about $20 bucks and a crazy trip to the chinese market, we have been able to turn our courtyard into a little winter wonderland. The temperature might not change, and the mosquitos might still be out, but in OUR house, its the holidays!
5. Enjoying Beautiful art. A friend and colleague pointed me to a site that promotes the artwork of believing artists from Asia. I LOVE taking in the creative ways people from around the world express their love to God. Here were a few of my favorites by Sawai Chinnawong.The Lost Sheep, The Good Shepherd
The Lost Son
6. Crafting curriculum for people around the world. I am currently putting together a training manual of sorts for Geoff and I to use. It will give the believing artists in this area of the world a practical guide for understanding biblical worship, how to encourage it in their area, and how to understand and create musical concepts that will communicate God to their own people. It gives me great joy to dig into the scripture, look at the works of other artists and music researchers, and think about how to communicate that to an artist in Mongolia, Thailand, or the Philippines. I can't wait to be in heaven and join in with the multitude of worshippers and all of their creative expressions! I guess I have an eternity to enjoy that, so for now, I am content with sharing the joy of the arts with folks here on earth.
7. Reading a great book. I am currently reading The Heavenly Man by Brother Yun. It is the account of a Chinese believer during the 80's. His story and all those he describes is deeply challenging. I've learned that these folks have a different take on suffering than we do in the West. In fact, he often says things that I've heard respected pastors booed at for saying in the U.S. It's not a fashionable take on suffering, but this guy doesn't have the luxury of fashion. If you want to know what people have endured for the sake of their faith and the amazing ways they find joy in it (!), then this is the book to read. I highly recommend it.
So, there is the end of my rambling. I hope that a coherent thought jumped out at you somewhere along the way. Although my little things seem insignificant and perishable, it is what they represent that is significant and eternal. A mother daughter bond. The beauty of nature. Memories of home. Expressions of love to the Creator. And connections with "family" all over the world. To name a few.
Life is what CHRIST makes of it!
And he makes it worth living.
7. Reading a great book. I am currently reading The Heavenly Man by Brother Yun. It is the account of a Chinese believer during the 80's. His story and all those he describes is deeply challenging. I've learned that these folks have a different take on suffering than we do in the West. In fact, he often says things that I've heard respected pastors booed at for saying in the U.S. It's not a fashionable take on suffering, but this guy doesn't have the luxury of fashion. If you want to know what people have endured for the sake of their faith and the amazing ways they find joy in it (!), then this is the book to read. I highly recommend it.
So, there is the end of my rambling. I hope that a coherent thought jumped out at you somewhere along the way. Although my little things seem insignificant and perishable, it is what they represent that is significant and eternal. A mother daughter bond. The beauty of nature. Memories of home. Expressions of love to the Creator. And connections with "family" all over the world. To name a few.
Life is what CHRIST makes of it!
And he makes it worth living.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
definition of "ministry"
Geoff and I were recently told by a local Filipino pastor:
The life of a missionary is a life of duty, not adventure; a life of sacrifice, not choice; a life of service, not profit. That is why we call our job "ministry."
Umm...wow. Okay.
I would love to hear what those of you out there think about this statement. Is this what ministry means to you?
The life of a missionary is a life of duty, not adventure; a life of sacrifice, not choice; a life of service, not profit. That is why we call our job "ministry."
Umm...wow. Okay.
I would love to hear what those of you out there think about this statement. Is this what ministry means to you?
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
Cinnamon Rolls
So I was stingy with my cinnamon rolls, today. They were made by my hands, in my house, with my stuff, on my time, for my own comfort. So, no, you can't have one!
Here in the Philippines, everything is about relationship. Every interaction with every human being exists for specific purpose of connecting with that person. Even the sales clerk. And the shoddy construction worker. It doesn't matter what you need done. It matters if you've made them feel like a friend.
Just two days ago, Geoff was talking to our band about the early church and how everyone received and gave as they had need. We are blessed to be a blessing. And he posed the question, "What do you have to bring to the table?" For me, this hit at the core of my current dilemma. My first response was, "I've already given it. I left my home, my family, my friends, my cats, and my Wal-mart to come here. What else do I have to give?"
Colossians 3:12-14. Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other's faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful.
I think I need to write this one on the wall. All the missions training in the world doesn't change human nature. All of my resolution to live this verse out didn't change the fact that I didn't want to share my cinnamon roll with "friends" this morning. Again.
Yes, I gave up a lot to come here, but am I willing to share what I brought with me? God's love? My personal sacrifices don't mean much if I'm not sharing God's character with my new "friends". Does my cinnamon roll make this person feel like they're loved? Then maybe it's a sweeter gift given than received.
Monday, October 1, 2007
What are we afraid of?
At the moment, I am in Mongolia. It is a beautiful and rugged place. I am here as a music researcher in the rural regions of the country. Hopefully, I can discover what forms of music will be the best mediums for sharing Christ's story with the nomadic people of Mongolia's steppe.
The interesting thing is that I came here to serve. Yet, the Mongolian believers are outdoing me! Technically, they are so young in their faith (the first Believer came to be in 1990), and yet God has given them vast amounts of wisdom and courage. Everyday, they are sharing their testimonies without fear to their people. In America, Believers have existed since the country came into being, yet, we have so little courage to share what we know with others.
Why? When the knowledge of Christ has changed our lives making it full and worth living. Why do we not yearn to share this with those we love? Why are we so afraid?
The interesting thing is that I came here to serve. Yet, the Mongolian believers are outdoing me! Technically, they are so young in their faith (the first Believer came to be in 1990), and yet God has given them vast amounts of wisdom and courage. Everyday, they are sharing their testimonies without fear to their people. In America, Believers have existed since the country came into being, yet, we have so little courage to share what we know with others.
Why? When the knowledge of Christ has changed our lives making it full and worth living. Why do we not yearn to share this with those we love? Why are we so afraid?
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Packages
Well, we're here. I have day dreamed about this moment since 1998. At that time, I had returned from a trip to Guyana with ORU and was becoming very close friends with Geoff. He had been to the Philippines and was experiencing the same kind of stirring that I was. We talked long into the night about places we wanted to see around the world and what kind of people we wanted to be if we ever lived overseas. From there, the dreams only grew, and at times were forgotten or pushed aside. God is so good. When I finished my classes at Bethel and was ready to set foot on an adventure around the world, I became pregnant. I really struggled with having to give up my dreams for the sake of my child. But I surrendered it. And like God has always done in my life, he returned the gift. And it was packaged exquisitely.
And now I'm here. Is it a paradise? No. Is it what I dreamed it would be? Yes, and no. It is spilling over the boundaries of my dreams. This can be exciting as a whole, but when you are in the moment and you are faced with a cross cultural experience that you don't understand, it feels disorienting, foreign, and uncontrolled. The biggest challenge, however, is not cross cultural experiences or the sacrifices I've made to come here. It is the fact that now I must actually live what I believe. I have had the freedom in the States to live comfortably and talk a lot about loving people in uncomfortable ways. I have been challenged by people like Mother Theresa, Bono, or Shane Claiborne to love extraordinarily. To live outside of the box in the way that I treat people and seek to communicate to them the vast love of God through my actions. But its easy, isn't it, when you are sitting on your comfortable couch in your comfortable home with your comfortable friends. And you drive to work in your comfortable car (even if it is on the brink of disaster like ours was!) and you sit at your comfortable desk. And you can put together an entire life that is essentially void of uncomfortable places.
I can do that here, too. But now, there are hundreds of people watching. Praying. Encouraging. And looking forward to seeing miraculous things from me.
It's not that this place is that much different than my home in the States. I can fashion it any way I want. The difference is that this time, I don't want to fashion my own life. I want to surrender it. And see how it comes back to me.
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