Packages

Well, we're here. I have day dreamed about this moment since 1998. At that time, I had returned from a trip to Guyana with ORU and was becoming very close friends with Geoff. He had been to the Philippines and was experiencing the same kind of stirring that I was. We talked long into the night about places we wanted to see around the world and what kind of people we wanted to be if we ever lived overseas. From there, the dreams only grew, and at times were forgotten or pushed aside. God is so good. When I finished my classes at Bethel and was ready to set foot on an adventure around the world, I became pregnant. I really struggled with having to give up my dreams for the sake of my child. But I surrendered it. And like God has always done in my life, he returned the gift. And it was packaged exquisitely.

And now I'm here. Is it a paradise? No. Is it what I dreamed it would be? Yes, and no. It is spilling over the boundaries of my dreams. This can be exciting as a whole, but when you are in the moment and you are faced with a cross cultural experience that you don't understand, it feels disorienting, foreign, and uncontrolled. The biggest challenge, however, is not cross cultural experiences or the sacrifices I've made to come here. It is the fact that now I must actually live what I believe. I have had the freedom in the States to live comfortably and talk a lot about loving people in uncomfortable ways. I have been challenged by people like Mother Theresa, Bono, or Shane Claiborne to love extraordinarily. To live outside of the box in the way that I treat people and seek to communicate to them the vast love of God through my actions. But its easy, isn't it, when you are sitting on your comfortable couch in your comfortable home with your comfortable friends. And you drive to work in your comfortable car (even if it is on the brink of disaster like ours was!) and you sit at your comfortable desk. And you can put together an entire life that is essentially void of uncomfortable places.

I can do that here, too. But now, there are hundreds of people watching. Praying. Encouraging. And looking forward to seeing miraculous things from me.

It's not that this place is that much different than my home in the States. I can fashion it any way I want. The difference is that this time, I don't want to fashion my own life. I want to surrender it. And see how it comes back to me.