the dance

Dancing happens a lot around here. Not the twirling kind to a thumping beat, but the subtle communication that happens between people. We often say that driving here is like doing a dance because relationships (whether between drivers on the road or friends in their homes) are maneuvered by discreet, round about, non-confrontational, obscure communication that skirts around the real meanings on a tip-toe.

Helen (our housekeeper) and I danced today. [Now, before you get distracted by the fact that we have a housekeeper (yeah, I know, its crazy!), realize that housekeeping here is like selling a house. It has to be SPOTLESS all the time. The ants will come in hordes to devour a crumb in minutes. The window screens (not just the windows, the screens!) have to be washed every week or they will be brown with gunk from the pollution. Even our shoes have to be washed regularly and stored in plastic bags so that roaches do not lay eggs in them. (Yuck, I have to look in my shoe every time I put it on, just in case). So, all of our financial support could go to me cleaning all day, or we could spend a little of it on a housekeeper, and I can do the things we came for.... Ok, enough of my soapbox....]

I have been wanting to take Ariel to the beach for the day just to relax and enjoy nature. But our friends haven't been able to join us. I've also been wanting to develop my relationship with Helen (which is quite complex culturally as it juggles the Filipino rules of class system, work, and friendship).

So, the day before I was planning to go, I asked Helen if she would like to join us and bring her kids. She laughed and said, "Oh that would be nice! But I don't have the money for that."
E: "Its OK, If I'm inviting you, I will take care of the cost. And besides, the place we're going is not expensive."
H: "OK, that would be nice! Maybe I can bring some snacks because my kids eat a lot when they're swimming."
E:" Yeah, sure, that sounds great."

OK, so we're set...right? I thought so. But the next morning, Helen texts me to say that she wants the day off to do her laundry. Huh?!

There could be multiple reasons as to why she did this. It could be that she didn't want to incur debt. If someone is overly giving to you, you become indebted to them and they sort of have a power of you. It could be that she was embarrassed that she didn't have the money to pay for herself. It could be that she or her kids didn't want to go. It could be that she wanted to check my sincerity by forcing me to offer again. It could also be because I said no (indirectly, of course!) to an invitation to her house earlier or because I didn't give her extra money this week when she hinted for it. Or, I could assume that she really wanted to do the laundry bad enough to not receive a day's pay!

Needless to say, Ariel and I did not go to the beach, and we have no idea why!

So, we continue on with the dance. :)