I'm annoyed.
I'm annoyed that Geoff is out of town.
I'm annoyed that there are so many bugs who see my computer (and consequently my eyes, nose, and ears) as a beacon of hope.
I'm annoyed that its 8pm and I'm still sweating.
I'm annoyed that I can't pick up a glass of water without looking in it just to make sure there's not anything else in it.
I'm annoyed that I can't walk to my bedroom without wondering if I'll step on a bug.
I'm annoyed that I can't go anywhere without standing in the hot sun for 30 minutes and then hoping that the person picking me up can understand what I'm saying.
I'm annoyed that when I finally get there, I have a headache from the pollution.
I'm annoyed that I can hear termites chewing the wood in our cabinets.
I'm annoyed that everything molds.
I'm annoyed that the hot water shuts off in the middle of my showers.
I'm annoyed that I can't go outside without wondering if a mosquito will make me or worse, Ariel, sick.
I'm annoyed that in a year and a half, I have never once been in my pj's when someone didn't knock on my door or look in my window.
I'm annoyed that I can't have a normal conversation with anyone except Geoff.
I'm annoyed that its only been one and a half years and three and a half to go.
I'm annoyed that I want to go home.
I'm annoyed that I'm overstuffed with comfort food which I've eaten out of my annoyance.
I'm annoyed that I have all this work that I love doing waiting for me, but I'm too annoyed to work on it.
I'm annoyed that there's no one to share my annoyance with.
I'm annoyed that I care so much about being annoyed.
I'm annoyed that I'm sitting here annoyed when there are so many other things that I should really be concerned about.
Did I say Geoff was out of town?
I just typed this out from the top of my head. And I've debated posting it because after reading it, I realize how sorry and pitiful I sound. But, I guess that is what my blog is supposed to be about. Honesty about all the sides of the experience. So, there you have it. One of my not so proud moments.
4 comments:
Since writing this a few hours ago, I have been reading about a college friend of mine who is living in the West Bank. Hearing her stories of the things she is witnessing there has provided the motivation I need to snap out of this and get back to work. I have an awesome opportunity to make a difference. Regardless of the termites in my cabinets. Thanks for the encouragement, Jen.
I didn't know you had moved to Houston! ;)
Ha ha. Well, hang in there!
Honestly, I love the honesty in this post, Erica. I love that you paint a picture of the reality that isn't always rosy, but yet you still follow God's lead and step out in faith - in a foreign place, with foreign customs, language, etc... that's admirable, beautiful, and very inspiring. You guys are on our minds and hearts often!
my gosh, Erica, i didn't know you could be annoyed! :) you're so easy going. and Bryan and I are so high-strung! it made me laugh and feel sorry for you at the same time. so, where is your posting for March? or are you like me and only journal once a month? :) i was writing today and realized i hadn't written since early February. sometimes it's hard to get my real feelings all down on paper. i would rather just move on to the next day than explore what i'm feeling sometimes.
i really liked your comments. it makes me feel like i'm not the only one who gets really ticked at little things (and big things) sometimes.
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