it's official

I just got back from teaching a class on Ethnomusicology for the very first time. I was excited to get the experience and also a little nervous because I'm not usually the one in front of people. I'm the one in back with the two year old. So, I traveled 4 hours to a place called Nasuli, a training facility owned by SIL where decades of work has gone on to translate the Bible into local languages. It was a beautiful and peaceful place and I felt honored to be on ground representing the legacy of sacrifice so many people had made so that the Gospel could be understood. It was the first time I was officially introduced to a crowd of people as an Ethnomusicologist. When I got up there to teach, I actually had something to say and knew somewhat what I was talking about. (For some reason this surprised me!) It was really encouraging because I was also able to meet with small groups of translators who had questions about how they could encourage indigenous music in their areas, and I was excited to be able to help them with ideas. Anyway, as someone just starting out in the field, it was a good feeling to be finally away from the books and into my "official" role.

A lot of people were concerned about me taking on this part time "job" while raising Ariel, but honestly, it has been the best thing for our family. It has given me the opportunity to make an impact outside my home as well as inside, and neither one has suffered. In fact, both are healthier because of the balance. Geoff is a willing tag team partner in caring for Ariel, and Ariel has blossomed under the guidance from both parents on a daily basis.

So, its been good.

Here's a pic of some of my students (they were from all over SE Asia, USA, and Switzerland):

The view along the way:

And finally, me at 2am before class day still trying to fit 2 years worth of course work into 4 hours of teaching!


In the coming year, I'm coordinating 3 projects, one as a co-leader in Thailand, one in Mongolia, and one right here in my city. I'm blessed to be only 30 years old and doing exactly what I dream of. God is good.

rubber ducky

I think I turned a corner today. At least I hope I did. I had a revelation while I was the only white girl riding in a jeepney packed full of Filipinos looking at me through the corner of their eyes. I will NEVER fit in. EVER.

In the missions classes, they teach you to learn the culture and do your best to "when in Rome, live as the Romans do." In fact, the folks who are successful at it get this sort of "you're my hero!" respect as the ultimate of ultimate missionary. So, I went into this thinking, "yeah! I'm going to be the best of the best. The one who really learns the language, really delves into the culture, dresses like them, acts like them, rides the public transportation, totally blends in, and who the natives call one of their own."

But it's been more than a year, and I still feel like this:

(Except all the ducks are craning their heads backward to look at me!)

It's been a lot of pressure to try to fit in. And it makes going out in public frustrating because as hard as I try, I am still the plump white woman with a blond haired, blue eyed little girl in my arms, looking slightly bewildered under a mask of, "yeah, I'm cool. I buy things that I'm afraid to eat!"

So, to have my revelation of myself as a pink duck in a yellow duck world, is a bit of a relief. Experience has taught me that the glorification of the invisible missionary is a little over rated and misleading. Why don't I stop trying to hide and start learning to live. Yes, I am different. I will never be a Filipino. And instead of having a chip on my shoulder because everyone stares at me, perhaps I should celebrate the differences, smile, and say hello.

I'm hoping this is not just a fleeting good idea. I hope that it has roots that sink deep into my psyche. Because I need to move on. I need to make the most of this life. And I need to take the risk of loving people despite my own discomfort.

God help me.