the dance

Dancing happens a lot around here. Not the twirling kind to a thumping beat, but the subtle communication that happens between people. We often say that driving here is like doing a dance because relationships (whether between drivers on the road or friends in their homes) are maneuvered by discreet, round about, non-confrontational, obscure communication that skirts around the real meanings on a tip-toe.

Helen (our housekeeper) and I danced today. [Now, before you get distracted by the fact that we have a housekeeper (yeah, I know, its crazy!), realize that housekeeping here is like selling a house. It has to be SPOTLESS all the time. The ants will come in hordes to devour a crumb in minutes. The window screens (not just the windows, the screens!) have to be washed every week or they will be brown with gunk from the pollution. Even our shoes have to be washed regularly and stored in plastic bags so that roaches do not lay eggs in them. (Yuck, I have to look in my shoe every time I put it on, just in case). So, all of our financial support could go to me cleaning all day, or we could spend a little of it on a housekeeper, and I can do the things we came for.... Ok, enough of my soapbox....]

I have been wanting to take Ariel to the beach for the day just to relax and enjoy nature. But our friends haven't been able to join us. I've also been wanting to develop my relationship with Helen (which is quite complex culturally as it juggles the Filipino rules of class system, work, and friendship).

So, the day before I was planning to go, I asked Helen if she would like to join us and bring her kids. She laughed and said, "Oh that would be nice! But I don't have the money for that."
E: "Its OK, If I'm inviting you, I will take care of the cost. And besides, the place we're going is not expensive."
H: "OK, that would be nice! Maybe I can bring some snacks because my kids eat a lot when they're swimming."
E:" Yeah, sure, that sounds great."

OK, so we're set...right? I thought so. But the next morning, Helen texts me to say that she wants the day off to do her laundry. Huh?!

There could be multiple reasons as to why she did this. It could be that she didn't want to incur debt. If someone is overly giving to you, you become indebted to them and they sort of have a power of you. It could be that she was embarrassed that she didn't have the money to pay for herself. It could be that she or her kids didn't want to go. It could be that she wanted to check my sincerity by forcing me to offer again. It could also be because I said no (indirectly, of course!) to an invitation to her house earlier or because I didn't give her extra money this week when she hinted for it. Or, I could assume that she really wanted to do the laundry bad enough to not receive a day's pay!

Needless to say, Ariel and I did not go to the beach, and we have no idea why!

So, we continue on with the dance. :)

fertilizer

One of the cool things about our current life situation is the time that Geoff and I get to spend together. Of course, I write this as he's spending a month in Mongolia(!), but we're speaking generally here. :)

I guess the big difference is the shift in what our "work" life looks like. In the States, work is compartmentalized. Its something that you do, on your own, from 8-5 everyday. And then, you come home to your "family" life and do that (sometimes together, sometimes not). There were things that I loved and hated about that scenario. But either way, its very different here. In the Philippines, we are living our lives as our "work". Everything we do, from parenting Ariel to cooking food to working with musicians, is all considered our work. The main reasons I can think of as to why its this way is:

1. We're always being watched.
2. Things are not as convenient and, therefore, take more teamwork.
3. Its a priority we've made.

Doing life (that is work and play) together as a team was something we longed for in the States, but it just didn't seem possible. Moving here, we determined to take the opportunity given us and make some decisions that would determine how much time we had. We completely espouse to the idea that all of life is worship. And our experience here has really brought that idea home.

Having so much time together has also brought its challenges. We find out in what ways we DON'T get along :) and we suddenly have the time to hash through all the issues in our marriage that were easy to put off before. Both of these things did not "feel good" at the time, but having invested the time to walk through it and learn and grow and heal together, has been amazing. And if thats the only reason that God took us thousands of miles away from our busy US life, then it was worth it. We have experienced a friendship and love that could only be cultivated with the fertilizer of time and intention. And thank God for giving us that.

scenes from the weekend

Geoff is in Mongolia this month, so Ariel and I are doing what we can to fill our days with interesting things (so many of which are usually provided by Daddy himself!) I think we're managing well.

holy days

Today, I came home to dozens of motorcycles and vehicles lined up outside of our gate. Trying to figure out what was going on, I looked across the road to see a circle of people standing around a ring made of corrugated tin. It's a cockfight. Not your normal everyday neighborly activity in the U.S. Why is there a cockfight in front of my gate? Because its Fiesta week! Every neighborhood has its own identity. It has its own little mayor and its own fiesta. Fiestas are usually centered around a particular Saint and several masses are given in the local chapel. And when you're not going to church, you're betting on roosters :) Cockfighting is considered a national sport in the Philippines. Arenas range from the small setup in front of my gate to large expos (like a rodeo). I won't go into the details of the fighting, but apparently the real show is during the betting which happens live as one person, the Kristo, takes bets from the center ring with centuries old hand signals and somehow keeps them all straight. Interesting trivia, Kristo is also the word for Christ, the connection being the stretched out arms of the bet taker while he is taking bets.

So, there's a cultural lesson for you. I thought about putting a picture of a cockfight up, but know of a few friends in particular who would not appreciate that :) So, I'm opting for Ariel and I checking out a row of "Cocks" waiting to play the game (and no, she did not witness the fighting!):



By the way, our neighborhood is "Holy Trinity Village," and I don't know who our neighborhood Saint is. I guess I should find out.